Recognising Misalignment
If you're leaving rooms feeling drained, it might not be because you did too much. It might be a sign that you’re not being you.
For a long time, I was whoever people needed me to be.
At work, I was the over-deliverer who never said no. In relationships, the chill partner who didn’t take up too much space. With friends, the strong one who had her shit together even when she didn’t.
It looked like confidence. It was actually survival.
That’s what misalignment feels like — not an explosion, but a slow leak. The quiet erosion of your truth every time you override your own needs to meet someone else’s expectations.
You tell yourself you’re being professional. You tell yourself this is what commitment looks like. Meanwhile, your nervous system is paying the bill.
Eventually, I gave my pattern a name: shape-shifting.
The habit of bending myself to fit the room, the role, or the relationship. It looked like success, but it was self-betrayal in disguise.
What misalignment actually is
Misalignment isn’t failure. It’s friction — the tug when your choices stop matching who you are.
You’ll know you’re in it when:
You leave meetings or hangouts feeling heavy
You’re anxious or snappy for no clear reason
You’re exhausted, but sleep doesn’t help
You fantasise about quitting everything and disappearing
If that’s you, you’re not broken — you’re just off track.
Your compass: values and strengths
Values aren’t corporate buzzwords. They’re your GPS. When something rubs against a true value, your body feels it: tension, irritation, heaviness. That’s your cue.
Strengths are the ways you’re naturally wired to contribute. Work that ignores them drains you. Work that uses them energises you.
Quick check-in:
What made me proud or protective this week?
What felt like wading through mud, and what flowed easily?
If you’re constantly forcing yourself to be good at things that drain you, that’s not discipline — that’s disconnection.
Boundaries that actually work
For a while, I thought boundaries were about saying no. I kept a mental scoreboard like: “I’ve said yes three times, time to say no.” It was ridiculous.
Real boundaries aren’t about control — they’re about clarity.
Simple rule:
If it lights you up and aligns with your values, it’s a yes (even if inconvenient).
If it drains you, it’s a no (even if impressive).
Boundaries built from alignment give life back. Boundaries built from guilt build cages.
A 3-minute alignment audit
Body check: Where do I feel tight or open?
Energy ledger: Three things that drained me, three that filled me up.
One shift: What’s one tiny change I can make tomorrow that honours my values?
Small aligned moves change everything.
A note from my messy middle
I still slip. I still hustle for worth or shrink to keep the peace sometimes. The difference now? I notice it sooner. I come back faster. I choose me again.
That’s alignment — not perfection. Just a daily return to yourself.
If this resonates
I explore this more deeply in my upcoming book Becoming Myself — a raw, honest look at how we lose ourselves trying to belong, and how we find our way back.
My Publishizer campaign is now live. If this work speaks to you, please consider pre-ordering your copy and sharing this post with a friend who might resonate.
Pre-order here: https://pszr.co/nqXSD
With love (and alignment),
Jamie
P.S. Journal on this tonight:
Where did I feel most like myself this week?
What am I still doing to be liked or chosen?
What’s one truth I can return to tomorrow?